After 2 days of shopping for items for the children, and the chance to speak with some children at the school, I was given the opportunity to visit the director at the orphanage.
I do realize what an immense privilege it is to do this. The orphanage is not only hallowed ground for so many families around the world as the place where their children spend the first years of life, it is also a closely guarded sanctuary for the children that live there now. It is also a government facility. The staff are bound by regulations to protect the privacy rights of the children. I know that they not only follow those regulations out of duty to their job, but also due to their personal values and devotion to the children. I know that they ride a very fine line in allowing me to come in and share time with the children.
I want to declare here that I have the very best of intentions when I share this information on this blog, and to let it be known that I am very grateful to the orphanage staff for their trust in me and in Packages of Hope to advocate for these children, and promote our organization only to the end that we will be able to do more for the children in the orphanage.
Our primary goal for this visit was to provide donations for Spring Festival and to provide donations of washing machines. In addition, there were quite a few letters that the adoptive families wanted to deliver to the orphanage, and I was only too happy to do so. This is definitely the highlight of my visit for Director Song, and Director Wan.
Director Song had a message for the families:
To re-iterate the video presentation, and to echo what all the staff says to me, is that they welcome back all families for a visit to Bengbu SWI. Having been to China many times, I know what Chinese hospitality is. There is always a warm invitation to come to China for a visit. But this is something different. The adoptive families are FAMILY, and it is a sincere expression that Director Song has for those who trace their origins to come back to their roots. As my most favorite Chinese phrase goes "Luo Ye Gui Gen" - It's part of a poem that says, "No matter if a tree grows to 10,000 Li, falling leaves return to the root". A "Li" is a unit of measure, officially equal to 500 meters. the number 10,000 expressed in Chinese is often used figuratively, and associated with the concept of "the biggest number you can think of" or "infinity". The phrase means that no matter how far you roam, you will always return to the place of your beginning.
We spent a few hours reading notes from the families. I never fail to get very choked up reading the notes of the children to the staff, realizing how important this information is. The director and Ms. Wan also pore over each photo. I take video of this exchange, in order to provide feedback to each family. Director Song realizes how important this is, and is very sensitive to what we are doing.
After the presentation of the notes, I had the honor of asking the director a few questions that had been brought up by the families. One of the questions that has been brought up several times by the families is the issue of "child trafficking". I brought this topic up with the director and he had this to say:
The director stated that all children MUST come to the orphanage via the police. There are some cases where the children are brought to the orphanage doorstep, but in these cases, the child, and whoever has brought them, are directed to the police. All children coming to the orphanage MUST have a certificate issued by the police authorities. Director Song stated that in the 12 years he has been the director, no one has come to the orphanage seeking their children. Nevertheless, they keep all information on the children on file. Director Song related that he only knows of a case 18 years ago, where the parents came to the orphanage and found their child. However, the child did not want to go with the biological parents, and wanted to stay in the orphanage. I did not pry further for the details of this case, and I suspect there was a lot more to the story, and perhaps the parents were not fit to be parents, and the child felt safer in the orphanage. I did not find out what eventually happened to this child.
Another question the families brought up was the idea of finding birthparents, perhaps through genetic testing. Our translator, Steven Tao, mentioned that he had a short discussion with the orphanage staff on this topic. He said that he didn't know about the regulations in other provinces, but that in Anhui, it is illegal to abandon a child. He related a story in a newspaper about parents who were found to have neglected their child, who was found living on the streets, and were convicted to a long prison sentence based on genetic testing (in addition to resembling the parents). In addition, a person who was found to be implicated in this case received a 7 year prison sentence. It is therefore Steven's opinion that it would be doubtful that people would come forward openly for genetic testing, for fear of reprisal by the police. Even those implicated are at risk.
Director Song also relayed to me that as of 2 years ago, per government regulation, genetic information is obtained and retained on all orphanage children.
When I asked Director Song about the parents wanting to explore finding their birthparents through genetic testing, Director Song said he was open to doing this for the families. I don't know exactly what this means, but I think the implication of his statement is that he was stating to me that this was not a closed topic, as far as he was concerned. What he could do exactly, I don't know (and I don't think HE knows, either. My take on it is that he was displaying his openness to addressing of this topic).
I also discussed with him the feedback that I have received feedback from several families whose children have trauma and issues that the parents have associated with their early life at the orphanage. These are issues such as RAD, or other negative behavioral issues which are often associated with living in an orphanage. Director Song told me that he very much appreciated the feedback. He told me how he solidly adheres to his directives and regulations to provide the right nutrition, life standard, and proper education to all the children in the orphanage to the best of his abilities. He said that sometimes they do lack professional services for each individual problem and each individual child, but that there are so many different situations, and that he tries "very hard" [I heard the sincere emphasis in Chinese] to do well given his resources. I said that we could try to work together in order to provide feedback from the families so that we could help to improve things for the children at the orphanage, and he welcomed this.
To summarize, and as I have said so many times, I, and all the families with children of Bengbu, are VERY lucky to have the relationship that we do with Director Song. I have been to many orphanages, and as with many other organizations in China, the force of politics is strong and vicious, and one mis-step can cost not only your job, but those of your employees, and in this case, the possible welfare of the children. I provide GREAT PRAISE to Director Song to risk so much in talking with me, and discussing these topics. His openness is inspirational, and I am humbled to know him, and I am energized by his vision and by the heart of the donors to keep doing more to help the children of the orphanage.
Finally, many of you have emailed to me and asked me more about my experience with my daughter, and have enjoyed her posts. I will encourage her to post more to the blog. I do like to write, but words absolutely escape me when it comes to the expression of what my daughter means to me. Nothing comes close to adequately describe how incredibly proud I am of her, her performance, and my joy to be near her during this trip. She far exceeded expectations in every aspect of the trip. She was my filmographer, director ("Smile more, Daddy!..... Don't say 'uhm' so much!!,,,,speak louder.....what do you want me to have in the frame, now??"), personal secretary ("don't forget your notes for the children, daddy!"), ideal travel companion ("don't forget your toothbrush daddy! Did you look under the bed for anything!! Hurry, or we'll be late for checkout!"), perfect fun buddy (I'll never forget the bits of palmello that she jokingly threw over the shower curtain at me while I was taking a shower as she laughed, or how she would always cringe and gripped my arm when people loudly cleared their throat and spit on the street), or sweet perfect kid ("Daddy, can I take a little nap in the car?....I'm tired!"). I am, by far, the luckiest dad in the whole wide world, to have Jie-jie as a daughter.
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